#01252012

1. Chinese New Year
This is the second Chinese New Year in a row that I’ve missed. I didn’t get to call my folks back home because I was working during their New Year’s Eve. I can’t bear to think of all the good food and gaoliang  (a strong white spirit) I’m missing. I hope the cat is doing okay on his own. He doesn’t like it when we go away to the grandparents’ place each year and leave him at home for several days. Here in Copenhagen, we had a nice dinner at a pretty good Chinese restaurant in Vesterbro with some Taiwanese friends, but that was about it. We’re now officially in the Year of the Dragon, woohoo! I hope it will be an auspicious year. (By the way, the photo above has nothing to do with Chinese New Year. It’s a kaisen chirashi donburi we had the other day from a tiny but delightful sushi place in Nørrebro called “Selfish,” and I’m just really craving one right now…)

2. Forward with the dansk
For the past few days I’d been stressed about preoccupied with my Danish exams, and now that I’ve passed all four categories (reading, writing, listening and speaking) with flying colors, I feel silly for having stressed worried even a little bit. I’m actually looking forward to taking the next exam and going on to the next level in a month. Bring it on! I really want to finish all the government-mandated “modules” one can possibly take in the shortest amount of time possible. There are five in total, and I am already more than halfway through. So far so good…

3. Backward with the engelsk
Now that my exams are over (for now), I finally have time to read the hundreds of books I download to my Kindle faster than I can read them. I have been stocking it with classics lately, like Jane Austen and F. Scott Fitzgerald, to make up for the lack of good English literary stimuli in my life. Seriously, although MT and I use English on a daily basis with each other and with friends and colleagues, we have been feeling the gradual loss of our English language abilities over time. (However, our other languages are not necessarily improving, either. I wish I could say that I’m losing my English because I’m becoming totally fluent in Danish, but nope, I don’t think it works that way…) Sometimes the two of us can’t remember the right vocabulary to express ourselves, or we simply get tongue-tied in the middle of a sentence. We laugh at each other’s grammatical mistakes, but perhaps it’s not so funny. This is a serious matter! I can’t even come up with titles for my blog posts anymore!

4. Where is the snow?
This has been an incredibly mild winter, with temperatures somehow managing to hover above zero throughout the past few months. Finally, as we’re nearing February, we’re starting to get some frozen air, which feels fantastically crisp and fresh on my bare face when I’m riding my bicycle. There’s some ice on the ground and the grass is nicely frosted. But where is the snow???  The weather forecast shows a row of bright yellow suns for the next ten days. OK, shouldn’t complain. Sunny weather is better than cloudy weather, which is better than rainy weather or windy weather, which is better than icy rain plus strong winds, a truly terrible combination.

I guess even in Scandinavia, one cannot take snow for granted.

—End of weekly rambling (as I cannot write proper posts anymore…)—

New Year’s Resolution

January is the month of new year’s resolutions. I suppose most people’s resolutions revolve around quitting smoking, eating more healthily, drinking less, losing weight, de-cluttering the house… those sort of things. I don’t smoke so I have no need to quit, but my new year’s resolutions from previous years have included all of the other above items. They’ve all become a little cliche to me by now, and pointless as I know I’ll never stick to them. Take “drinking less” for example. I don’t know how many times I’ve declared, “OK guys, I’m going to quit alcohol for a week.” Always, without fail, by day 3 I’m sipping a beer with my dinner. Life is short. So this year I’m going to forget about imposing all those rules on myself. There is only one thing that is important to me, and only one thing I need to focus on, which is:

Don’t stress myself out for no good reason.

It’s actually harder than anything I’ve ever done in my life.

Since I was young, I’ve always been the one giving myself the most pressure. Maybe it’s because my parents don’t give me any pressure at all. Growing up, I got punished for being naughty and other things, but never for my grades. No one ever threatened me that I must excel at my studies and ace my job interviews, or else. No one had to, because I was already stressing the hell out of myself, and I do that with everything I do. Ironically, the time my self-induced stress went through the roof was this past year, when I was supposed to be taking a break from working, from studying, from everything. My husband keeps trying to remind me that the whole point of me coming to Denmark and not having to find a job was so that I could be stress-free and enjoy a relaxed, dreamy life in Denmark as a blissful newlywed.

Apparently I’m not very good at relaxing. I became even more stressed, more anxious, more restless, more doubtful about myself, and just not happy. I wanted to do something, but couldn’t figure out what. It’s frustrating. I started taking Danish courses, which I love, but even that is unnecessarily stressing me out, although so far learning the language has been a piece of cake and I’ve been breezing through the government-mandated levels in half the required time. I stress myself out over exams even though I know I’ll pass them; I stress myself out over cooking dinner, because I want everything to taste perfect; I stress myself out over whether I should help so-and-so with this-and that although I don’t really want to but will feel awfully guilty if I don’t…; I stress myself out over things I need to do and so I make lists, and then proceed to stress over the lists, afraid that I’d forget something (despite the lists) or do something wrong, or… and it goes on and on. Basically, I stress myself out worrying about anything and everything that is yet to happen. Things that are in the future, unknown, uncertain. Everybody worries to some extent, but my worrying and stressing has become something of an obsession.

Perhaps, in a crazy way, I stress because I’m addicted to the stress, because I’ve been giving myself pressure for so long that I don’t know how to feel otherwise. It’s been so long that I have completely forgotten to ask myself this most fundamental question: Why am I doing this to myself anyway? Why do I have to give myself so much pressure, when it’s not helping things, and I can actually achieve things in life without it?

This really has got to stop. Even I can’t stand myself anymore.

If I don’t pass a Danish exam, so what? We might not even be living in Denmark much longer, and what use would my Danish be once we move away? If I don’t impress enough at a job interview, there’s always next time. If I forget to buy something at the supermarket or forget to do something, it’s not the end of the world. If I decide to not do someone a favor because I’d like to have more time for me and my priorities, there’s no reason I should beat myself up over it, because I don’t owe them anything.

I can’t believe what a long post this has become. But it feels good to vent. After this, no more talk about stress. 2012 will be a good, stress-free year. I won’t even “try” to not stress, because “trying” implies that there will be stress involved. I simply won’t. This I promise myself.

#01142012

2012年1月14日。
以後我還會常常想起這一天吧，就算不記得日期，我還是會記得今天。

早上起來，還沒開電腦看新聞，就大概知道大勢已去。

我看到我家Pan在Skype上（沒錯，我家們家的貓也有自己的Skype帳戶），
就打了過去，是我爸接的。（貓在臥室的椅子上睡覺，懶得接電話。）

我說：「喂，去投票了呴？」
我爸：「嗯。」
我：「嗯。盡力了。不用看也知道結果了。」
爸：「電視看了五分鐘就看不下去了，關了。」
我：「嗯，我了解。媽媽呢？」
爸：「她回高雄了。妳阿公剛走了…」
我：「喔…」
爸：「他說要撐到看到選舉這一天再走。」
我：「那就好…那就好…」

阿公是早上走的，在睡夢中，安詳、無痛苦地走的。
上天保佑，阿公有撐到大選之日，但沒有看到選舉的開票結果，
就先一步去西天極樂世界了。

今天才剛睡醒起床，就有百般複雜的情緒湧上心頭。
關於選舉，民主就是這樣，總是有輸有贏 。至少台灣目前還是個自由民主的國家。
至於阿公…人總是要走的，而我阿公的走法再好不過了。
不知道要燒幾輩子的香，才能像他一樣，活到高齡，無病無痛，自然地老化，
時間到了，在家睡著睡著，就再也不醒來。這樣其實是很幸福的。
哀傷的同時，我也很為他高興。 這世界上有多少人能如此幸運？

今天我才突然想起，我連阿公的名字是什麼都不知道。
從出生到現在，我都只叫他「阿公」， 從來沒意識到「阿公」是有名字的。
才剛看了「父後七日」這部電影，心裡格外有感觸。
我只知道我阿公也姓林，跟電影裡一樣。

今天，才剛睡醒起床，我就體會到，人生中有輸有贏，有生有死。

關了新聞網頁，掛了電話，我跟老公花了兩個小時
收看丹麥女王瑪格麗特二世登基四十週年慶祝大典的實況轉播。
就這麼剛好，也在今天。 普天同慶，舉國歡騰。
看完之後，我們一如往常，出門散步去超市買菜。
日子還是一樣要過。

From Dumpling to Ravioli

This is a story about how MT and I started out with a grand plan to make Chinese dumplings, failed, and ended up with some nice ravioli instead.

Well, we did make dumplings—close to a hundred of them, all hidden away in our freezer now—but I would very much like to ignore them because they taste quite mediocre. I believe the dumplings don’t taste as moist and flavorful as I had intended them to because there’s not enough cabbage in the filling, something I’ll need to correct next time I make dumplings from scratch.  In the end it was the ravioli, the product of an afterthought, that stole the show.

I’d made dumplings from scratch with my family when I was little, but this was my first time attempting to do so on my own, and MT had never done it in his whole life. I just thought it would be a fun and relaxing activity for us to pass a Saturday afternoon with. Boy was I wrong. After an afternoon of mixing, kneading and rolling (MT was in charge of the chopping and wrapping) and creating just a hundred or so dumplings, we were both exhausted. My arms ached for two days afterward from the effort. Forget about opening our own little homemade dumpling shop!

I’m not in the habit of following recipes, so I decided to make my own “educated” guess for how much flour I’d need to make wrappers for one packet of ground pork (500 g). It turned out that I’d made too much dough. I needed to make a new filling in order to use up the leftover dough, so I randomly grabbed some items we had in our fridge—spinach, blue cheese, portobello mushrooms, some more ground pork, and garlic, all of which sounded more like ingredients one would use to stuff… ravioli. So we decided to just go with it and make ravioli.

Dumplings and ravioli are pretty much the same thing after all, just shaped differently. MT cut the raviolis into cute circles using an empty glass jam jar. He then made a delicious sauce for them by blending fried leeks and garlic with fresh tomatoes and sundried tomatoes and simmering them in a little broth.

The blue cheese, spinach and mushroom tasted so nice together. I wish we’d made more of these raviolis!

P.S. A few days later, MT did successfully remedy my flavorless dumplings by creating a wonderfully aromatic and savory sauce for them, using pureed celery, onion, ginger and vegetable bouillon, and garnishing with bacon bits and finely chopped spinach. Which is essentially treating them like ravioli… cooking Chinese dumplings Western-style. Oh well…whatever works…! :p 

#01102012

放完了聖誕及新年假期，我們來到了陰鬱的一月。本來以為十一月已經夠糟了，但事實證明一月更加地沈悶，除了日復一日的上課考試工作之外，什麼都沒有。天氣也出奇地糟糕，幾乎天天下冰雨、颳強風。出太陽的日子，幾根手指頭就能數得出來，而今年冬天居然也還沒看到半片雪花。我真的是住在北歐嗎？這個冬天並沒有冷到可以下雪，卻有冷到令人難過。有時早上起床，看到窗外的濕、冷、暗，就很不想騎車出門。要不是重要的考試快到了，我多希望不用天天去上課；至於每周五的工作（純打雜性質），我覺得我去工作根本只是為了吃老公準備的愛心便當啊。

說到便當，最近突然很想念台灣的美食，三不五時就跟老公吵說想回台灣，說我要吃鹽酥雞、麻辣臭豆腐、肉圓、雞排、生煎包… the list goes on. 最近我還突然卯起來看了好多台灣很紅的電影（以前住台灣的時候，看國片都沒這麼起勁），讓我好想家。什麼「那些年，我們一起追的女孩」、「父後七日」、「第36個故事」等等（我有很努力地找英文字幕，但有些實在找不到的，老公還是很貼心地陪我看，雖然他主要只聽得懂閩南語髒話的部分 -_-）。我很喜歡「第36個故事」，裡面有好多台北的街景，讓我好想念。看到最後credits的時候，無意中在「特別感謝」的名單中瞥到一位很要好的朋友的名字。我以為我眼花了，特別倒轉回去看，真的是他。他幾個月前走了，但是感覺才不久前，台北很多地方都是他帶我去的，我在看這部電影時才正想到他，沒想到就在片尾看到他的名字，忍不住很想哭。或許冥冥之中，他在跟我打招呼吧。我不知道他與「第36個故事」這部電影的連結是什麼，因為他既非演員也非幕後工作人員，但現在也沒辦法問他本人了。至少他的名字會永遠保存在這部電影以及所有他參與的其他計畫之中。他在短短的人生當中，已經成就了很多事、幫助了很多人。至於我，我有什麼成就，是可以讓人在我死後想起我的呢？

新的一年，應該有新氣象，但一月都過一半了，我還在想去年的事。2011年，我做了什麼，成就了什麼？經歷了哪些大起大落、悲歡離合？公開的網誌上，勢必是只報喜，不報憂，我想這是人之常情。於是到頭來能寫的，也就只有一些吃喝玩樂的鎖碎小事。我只能說，2011年，我把重點放在感情上了吧，其他什麼事都拋在一旁了…工作、家人、朋友。是說，下個月我們就結婚滿一年了。明明還覺得自己還只是小孩子，卻因為結婚了，所以必須努力地裝出大人的樣子，過著像大人一樣負責任的生活。婚姻真的不是一件容易的事，總是有風風雨雨，而婚姻生活跟我們婚前所想像的都不一樣，但這些都是旁人無法告訴我們的。畢竟，婚姻的酸甜苦辣，非得當事人自己體會不可。我認為結了婚之後的兩個人，在一起的每一年，若不是越來越麻木，就是越來越相愛，因為如果徘徊在這兩種極端之間，是無法維持住婚姻的。我希望我的婚姻是後者。至少我們熬過第一年了。而我依然相信，我並沒有選錯人。只是，也許老公未來不論去哪裡，就算我再怎麼想家，都還是得跟著他吧。這就是婚姻。什麼時候我才能在跟隨著另一半的前提之下，找到自己人生中想做的事？希望我能在新的一年中，找到答案。

[Stockholm] Cruising the Stockholm Archipelago

For our last day in Stockholm, MT and I didn’t have any plans in particular. The previous day MT, Ada and I had already gone on a free tour and walked around for quite a bit. One of the most interesting things I learned on the tour and wish I had realized myself was that Ikea’s couches, coffee tables and bookshelves, etc. are named after places in Sweden while their carpets are named after places in Denmark, to ensure that Sweden will always sit on top of Denmark in your living room and that Denmark is constantly trampled on. *Ouch* Never thought the Swedes at Ikea would take this frenemy thing with Denmark so far, but it is pretty clever… tsk tsk.

The last thing we did before Ada went back to Uppsala was to visit the Fotografiska Museum in Stockholm to see a photography exhibition by Nick Brandt, titled “On This Earth, A Shadow Falls.” We had seen ads for the exhibition and were immediately attracted, but debated for a while whether to go or not because admission cost 110 SEK per person. I think we all agree that we’re very glad that we went to see it in the end, because the exhibition was truly amazing, full of gorgeous and heart-moving photos of wild animals that the photographer skillfully captured in Africa. I later read that what we saw was his first large solo museum exhibition. I’m glad we were able to catch it during our three short days in Stockholm.

Anyway, by the end of our second day in Stockholm (and ninth day on the road), MT and I were completely exhausted. For our last two nights we had chosen to stay at the Story Hotel, which, despite the small size of our room, was very comfy and had a nice ambience. (I also fell in love with the hotel’s shampoo by FACE Stockholm, but unfortunately it seems that FACE Stockholm’s hotel amenities are not sold in their shops.)

The next morning we woke up, had a very lovely breakfast provided by the hotel (I can still almost taste the yummy salt-cured salmon on my tongue), and decided that maybe we should go see a museum or something so as not to waste our last day. But that decision proved to be half-hearted when I saw a tour boat by the shore as we were walking toward the museum and immediately told MT that I wanted to get on. (And I didn’t even know how much it cost and where it was going… it could be going to Finland for all I know )

It turned out that the boat would take us on a 2.5-hour tour of the Stockholm archipelago, cost 220 SEK per person, and we just happened to be in time for the next trip. Amazingly, we also happened to have just the right amount of cash left on us to buy two tickets onboard. And so, off we went!

I could never have guessed that our boat, Östanå I, was built in 1906, making it over a hundred years old. It was very cozy inside and looked well-maintained. Our boat also has icebreaking capabilities, but unfortunately it couldn’t show them off this time due to the uncharacteristically mild winter we’re having. In fact, our guide told us that this is the mildest winter in 129 years, as the temperature is still well above zero. This time last year, it was -20 degrees and the water was frozen.

The Stockholm archipelago consists of over 24,000 islands and islets; some are big enough to accomodate castles, lighthouses and some very nice summer houses, and some are just bits of bare rock poking out from the water.

I don’t remember anything our guide told us now (but she was very informative, I assure you); I just remember having a wonderfully relaxed time, sitting inside the warm cabin, gazing out at the beautiful water and charming islets with their charming houses, and sipping beer with MT. I remember turning to MT and saying, “Now this is what I call a honeymoon .” Of course, I’m glad we walked around so much and got to see so many things in London and Stockholm, but once in a while it’s nice to be relaxed and not worry about which museum or castle or famous building we must see in the little time we have.

Goodbye, Stockholm… until next time. (Photo taken from the plane at around 8 am)